how porn can serve relationships

Author, columnist, and reporter Liz Langley recently wrote an intriguing piece for AlterNet on "Why Porn Can Be Good For You (And Society)" based on interviews and recent research. I have already elaborated on how the re-visioned and transformed porn by women I look at in my book can affect us in ways that are positive and empowering rather than negative and degrading (see for instance here and here). Langley does consider the positive effects of women creating a different kind of porn, but she also invites us to look at the ways in which porn in general can do us good:

In The Sunny Side of Smut, Scientific American’s Melinda Wenner Mover says the research in several studies suggests that “…moderate pornography consumption does not make users more aggressive, promote sexism or harm relationships. If anything, some researchers suggest, exposure to pornography might make some people less likely to commit sexual crimes.” [...]

Participants of both sexes in a 2007 study of more than 600 Danish men and women aged 18-30 found that self-reporting adults said that “hardcore” pornography had a positive effect on their lives. [...]

Then there was a 2009 study by Michael Twohig (cited in Sunny Side) from the University of Utah, which asked students whether or not their porn consumption was problematic. Twohig found that porn itself didn’t affect the students’ mental state; it was only a problem when they tried to control their urge to watch it. [...]

Langley quotes more research backing up the benefits of porn consumption, and also draws on interviews with sex educator and producer of educational sex films Jamye Waxman, erotic film pioneer Candida Royalle of Femme Productions, and associate professor of psychology Catherine Salmon, addressing the ways in which porn can be a tool for sexual exploration, how porn can and is being changed for the better, and how porn can be a conversation starter for couples bringing them together rather than apart, even if one partner objects to porn.

Porn is seen by some as “bad and seedy and gross,” Waxman says, if you can get it in the privacy of your home, why wouldn’t you? But keeping porn secret “breeds secrecy in other parts of your relationship." [...]

"Bringing up what we want in bed can be difficult for all of us, especially women” says Candida Royalle. We worry about being judged for our desires. Porn, she says, is like a non-personal reference in the room so you can say, "Look what they're doing. Did you ever think about doing that?" [...]

"“Some women who find out that their husbands watch a lot of porn will say that their view of their husband has changed and obviously that’s not going to be good for the relationship on either end but the thing is — what were you expecting him to be?” Salmon says. "Sometimes people are expecting some sort of pristine ideal ... and reality is never perfect in that sense.” [...]

Not everyone is comfortable with pornography and deciding whether to accept a partner’s interest — whether it’s her taste for You’ve Got Mail or his for On Golden Blonde — could be an indicator about the relationship. “Part of it is accepting what the other member of your partnership is interested in,” Catherine Salmon says. [...]

I think porn is presenting us with a great opportunity to get all this stuff out of the closet and really talk about these issues and what they mean to us,” Candida Royalle concludes.

I definitely encourage you to read all of Langley's reportage.